healing

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So, how do we heal from loss? When my husband died, I was lost. If you have never experienced the death of a close loved one, think of it as a piece of the very essence of who you think you are is no longer, and the expectations of where you thought you were going in life disappear, and all the visions of your future are gone. You would most likely stop everything you were doing and question the meaning of life. That is what I did. What I thought I wanted, no longer existed and where I thought I was going went somewhere else when my husband and daughter went to heaven. I had to create a new life. 

Unfortunately, this can't always be done overnight. So many of us are in constant motion and have a undefinable goal that usually equates to money, retirement or acquiring things that we hope will make us happy. We are so busy eating, sleeping, texting, watching tv, working, driving, cleaning, or occupying our brains in some way that has to do with the past or present that we forget to live in the moment. Right now....this moment is all we really have. The past defined us and the present isn't real, yet we don't realize that being in the existing moment is when we are most alive.

Nothing brought my attention to this more than when I lost my husband and then daughter. He was only fifty eight and worked his whole life preparing for retirement, only to have it taken away too soon. Tia was only thirty three and had five children under the age of ten. She had so much to live for and my life seemed wasteful after her passing. What was the reason I was alive and she wasn't? How could I make her life have more meaning by making better choices?  All that I knew was that I no longer wanted to sit at a desk and do accounting for the rest of my life. There had to be a better way to spend my time.

I started by writing. I wrote my book "Embracing Life After Death", and even though I cried the entire time I was working on it, the accomplishment of completion opened a door to show me all things were possible. It was scary, because I have not made any money by publishing my story, in fact I paid out to get it on the market, but I knew I was on the right path, doing what I was supposed to with my time. I let my instinct take over and art found its way into my life. Again, I haven't made a living at creating art, but it's my passion and brings me joy and comfort. I believe God will continue to provide and show me the way, and as long as what I'm doing feels right, things will work out. I take it one day at a time, sometimes by one moment or breath. I keep moving forward and hold in my heart that my life has meaning to my right now and that is all I can ask for.