Everyone has their own belief about God. It can be literally zero acceptance in any entity to a very active conservative religion. I have openly discussed my spiritual background in my book, Embracing Life with Death and in my blogs. I was raised Catholic, turned Christian, turned Spiritualist. The decisions of my spiritual path were determined by the ever evolving life journey I have been on.
My religion started when I was young, my dad being Catholic. I soaked up what I was told and to an extent believed everything I was taught, but there was always a piece of me that rebelled at certain concepts. I kept those questions hidden from everyone, including the nuns at St Francis, because it was not OK to probe about to much as a child in that era.
It wasn’t until my late teens that I rebelled against the Catholic church due to the confession policy. I could not abide admission of my sins to a priest, who I never felt was a true replacement of God. I did not think my business was his business to judge me.
I started attending a Christian church with my girlfriend’s family where I was re-baptized. I stayed in that religious mindset until my husband died in 2016. Like most younger individuals who have not lost a close loved one, death was a long way away and not much thought was spent thinking about it. When Dean passed, my sixth senses started to awaken. First came the knowing…the energy connection I had to him did not disappear upon his death. The first sign…an owl hooting outside my window. Skeptics can say, “well, that could just be coincidence” …but I knew. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was him sending me a message that he was OK, safe and at home. How did I know? Just like I believe in God, have faith or know when I am in love, is how I knew. Its not tangible, but I believe it exists and I know how I feel.
A piece of my soul missed him so deeply, it was like my energy emitted an invisible sonar sent out into the universe in hopes of a connection. The signs, synchronicities and messages he sent were undeniable. I became obsessed with the afterlife. I read hundreds of near death experience stories and listened to pod casts and radio shows. I was insatiable with learning everything I could find on the subject.
Then I discovered mediums. There are God chosen individuals in this world that have the ability to connect with our spiritual energy. I know some are fake, looking to capitalize on vulnerable people, but all the ones I met were genuine. I searched for those that had a reputation to be good. Some were by referral and word of mouth only, then there are the famous who have written books and that have a huge internet following, and finally, I met an unassuming woman in the hills between Albuquerque and Santa Fe New Mexico that passed on information no one could ever have known. She lived in a small house in the middle of nowhere that had a sign out front that read 10 minute psychic readings for ten dollars. I will never forget the messages she passed on to me.
The comfort these individuals brought me was invaluable. I learned why my husband and daughter had to die, what that impact meant for me and finally how to move forward. The answers did not take away my grief, did not fix me when I was completely lost nor tell me exactly what to do with my future. But the information helped me to see clearer, move forward against the dark and gave me comfort in my hour of need. When my daughter passed away, I already had experience in talking with my husband’s spirit, so when I had my first visitation dream from her, I was able to recognize the message she was sending me.
Having something to believe in can be anything or nothing if you so choose. Every path, trail and or journey is unique to each of us. We all have to find our way as we move down the passage of time and I found it easier when I could feel my husband and daughter’s presence. Knowing they are with me forever eases my journey just enough to get me out of bed in the morning.
Think about finding yours, you will find comfort and joy in having faith in something positive and life affirming.